relationship frights

[glowingpear]

nov 1st I had a blind date in response to an ad i had placed on craigslist looking to date someone ftm and fit my strict personality criteria. i didn't get any responses from trans people, but i did get a response from a person who claimed to be somewhat gender queer and otherwise fit my description. it's two and a half months later and she's moving in with me in 3 weeks. i've never been in a relationship that's seemingly so beautiful, perfect and amazing. i know it's so soon for her to be moving in, but i'm leaving in 6 weeks for 2 US tours and 1 european tour and she'll be subleasing my room for the remainder of the lease, although I do plan on coming back intermittently for short periods of time and living with her.

tonight we were talking over the phone and along came one of those moments where she had to "tell me something." my heart always stops when this happens. she sputtered out that she was feeling jealous that my exgirlfriend (but more significantly one of my best friends) is coming to town and staying with me. at that point my partner will be living here with me, but still she's nervous. but, it didn't stop at that. she kept blattering indecipherably which to me meant that there was something more to this jealously than what she's stated. to me, it seemed she wanted to drive some sort of wedge between my ex and i. and that really crushed me. feeling pressured to keep some sort of distance between me and perhaps my closest friend. and i think the reason it particularly crushed me was what had happened the previous night. i was feeling really defensive and hurt without even knowing it. and it turns out, that all my partner wanted was some reassurance that i love her and still thinks she's wonderful, but at the time i couldn't tell her because I was just overwhelmed with emotions. my imagination had opened the gates to my repressed feelings and i was paralyzed. she freaked out and thought this all wasn't going to work out, if her expressing her concerns of her jealously to me results in me getting upset to the point of muteness and uncontrollable crying, what can she say to me? We agreed to stop talking until we had both calmed down. we talked it over and i think all is ok. it's just so scary when a relationship gets threatened like that. so there it is. the first little bump on the road.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/innerlife_/]

I always suffer from this sense of "this shouldn't be happening" unreality whenever a partner brings up an "issue,"; in my (limited) experience it's seldom good news. In fact, quite the opposite. It sounds like both of you managed to remain reasonable, though, and that's a very very good omen. If a partner is willing to throw away something good over what's essentially a miscommunication, that's... well, that's stupid.

I'm glad you're finding such satisfaction in this relationship. It's so great to love and be loved, isn't it? Or even to just enjoy the growing attraction and mutual stimulation, if love is too strong a word... whatever the case, it's a magical thing.

[ayearofholidays.livejournal.com]

it is amazing. it still feels so weird that it's all come together so easily. and yes, it would be really silly to throw it away over miscommunication. i'm mentally preparing for something like that to happen (because my insecurities tell me i should) but she deserves more credit than that. finding the balance between my insecurities and trusting her is where i'm at now.

[(Anonymous)]

aw, it's perfectly natural she's feeling jealous (wouldn't you if her ex and now a very close friend came to stay with her?). that just proves how much she cares about you. i'm sorry to hear about the misunderstanding... those can happen in an instant and it's silly what intense emotions they can trigger. i can totally relate. but i'm really glad you talked it over. in fact, i think it's great she told you that she was feeling jealous in the first place (although things got scary for a while)- that shows her need to be honest with you about everything. communication is so important in relationships. so many people fear conflicts, too, thinking they will cause breakups or resentment. it's essential to have such experiences, though, and slowly learn that misunderstandings or little fights don't mean that a relationship is threatened. i'm still learning that.
much love,
m.