(no subject)

a side of my life that has been pretty dead seems to be picking up steam again. females are actually hitting on me. instance 1, while in baltimore, a friend who i don't know too well opened for the band and one night we were hanging out after the show and she gave me a massage in her car and then proceeded to tell me how attracted she was to me. that could have gone places, but i wasn't very attracted to her although i liked her as a friend. i almost forgot about that time. talking to sandy yesterday over dinner, we were discussing relationships and i wondered out loud, perhaps the reason i haven't had many relationships is because i'm not attracted. her response was "are you kidding?" oh. well if the flaw is not with my physical appearance, it must be with my social skills. there's a girl at one of the clubs that i'm getting to know. tonight i went home with her, and she hinted on taking it further but i ended up having her drive me home. my main reason for not going through was that she's my coworker and if she knew about my gender identity, would she tell everyone else at work? trust is first, and i wasn't willing to screw that over. second, how would she react finding out? would she become turned off and not want to be with me? that rejection would hurt. also, she told me she had just had a fling with a close coworker of mine that i had no idea about. what would he think? would that hinder our friendship? i also question pursuing straight women. i don't know i don't know.