glowingpear: (Default)
I'm not sure how I feel about this. Very very mixed/confused perhaps but how everyone else feels is pretty clear. It's just a new experience for me...

Last night I grabbed a bowl of soup at the Vietnamese restaurant across the street that I've been going to 1-3 times a week ever since I moved to Berlin. And the guy working there has always been super nice. We've been practicing our broken German with each other and he sometimes offers me free tea or pays for my meal (I must be his best customer). Last night as I sat at the bar to eat, he asked me if I was going on vacation this summer and I mentioned that i was going to Stockholm in May for 4 days. He asked if he could come, and I took that as a joke, but he was actually very persistent. It got to the point where he kept saying "ja oder nein?" (yes or no) over and over but coming from this guy who's so meek and nonaggressive, I just slowly became more uncomfortable but nothing hit me over the head that this was wrong. I let this go, he kept cooking but after he served me my soup, our conversation resumed. He kept pulling on his finger to ask me if I was married or had a boyfriend. I said no, and that I'm a lesbian. Me and all my housemates are lesbians. For most people, I think that's pretty clear and polite. But he went on to indicate "wow! 8 women! oooohhh!" So I shouldn't have been too surprised when he started asking if he could come over to my house tonight. I was so thrown by this. Being in my favorite little late night, cheap restaurant and the guy who I've "known" for the past 5 months is now trying to go home with me. And he was so persistent. I told him that he had a wife and he said, she's at home and won't know. Thankfully another guy came in the restaurant and ordered something allowing me to finish my soup quickly and make my escape. But as I was leaving, there were eager hand motions that he would close up when the other customer left and then he'd come over to my place. I put my money on the counter and left.

Again, I'm not sure what to feel. Disappointed for sure, that my favorite restaurant that's just across the street I can't go back to. Disappointed that I didn't react faster, telling him to back off/fuck off. I don't know how to say that in German, but I didn't even give him a firm "No." And on the other hand I feel like it's not such a big deal. He didn't say anything sexual, he didn't touch me.... he just crossed a boundary that I didn't want him to. I don't feel violated. I just feel sad, that he turned out to be a creep and that I can't eat there anymore. Or is he a creep? The idea of just not going there anymore doesn't seem like justice. My housemate is going over there today to bitch him out, but I'm not certain he'll understand her. His German isn't so good.

What constitutes harassment and is it still harassment if in the moment I freeze up and don't say "fuck off" ? I know the answer to the second one. I just somehow feel wrong to feel slightly victimized.

x-posted to transgender

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glowingpear

January 2014

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