glowingpear: (Default)
[personal profile] glowingpear
As hard as it's been, I've had an incredible life so far and it looks like it will only get better. Only 15 days until we depart Germany and off to the BKK. I keep telling everyone how bizarre it feels that this day is actually coming. It's always been something like death, something off in the distant future that will one day come, but it's rapidly approaching. November has just whizzed by. I've been banging away at getting all my work done before I go. Finished a big English correction job this evening, am nearly finished with a film I've been working on for the past 3 years (just waiting for the last 3 subtitle languages, importing them into Encore, and proofreading the PAL and NTSC version). Will start another film perhaps tomorrow, but it shouldn't take very long, minor sound fixes.

I'm incredibly nervous and scattered. Very excited. Afraid of recovery. Feeling very privileged. I can't tell you how much this will change me. And it's not what you think. Just the fact that I can spend the money that I earn will completely change my life. I've lived in this city for 3 years now, to the day, and there's still so much I don't know about it because I haven't been able to afford to go anywhere. Just the fact that I can try new restaurants! Next year, my financial year is already looking good as well. Potentially 4 tours plus a well paying club gig. They all look all but guaranteed at the moment, but I'm not holding my breath. I might even earn enough money next year to pay taxes! A first in about 10 years, unbelievable. And there's all these places I want to travel to! Being able to afford interesting ingredient to cook with! On the trans side, I can finally change all my fucking papers. No more "Mr" for me. Less drugs! No more testie blockers and half the estrogen. Spinach, orange juice, banana's here I come! Swimming! I can wear skirts in public without the fear of something popping out!

The past, I don't know how many years of my life have basically all been focused on this. This is my goal. It's hard for me to imagine what life will be like afterwards. I need new goals to aspire to! Wait, I already have some, now it's time to achieve them! Time to finally write some music and record my own record!

I do have plans to write a zine about the past 3 years of my life (+ transitioning). I have such a huge list of things to do and it looks like I can actually start doing them! Brewing beer! My fucking electronics!

Life is really shaping up. I think I'm the happiest I've ever been and things will only get better.
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