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Sabrina suggested that I should hang out with Kim MORE or LESS. She was unsure. Last night after Kim was gawking at Nicolette, and I once again felt crushed, am thinking that the "more" option is possibly just destructive toward me. But at the same time, Kim is depressed and I would like to be able to support her. If I do keep hanging out with her I want to say "GOD Kim, you like EVERYONE except me," in a half serious but half  "i know there's nothing either of us can do about that" sort of way. I do think she's young and obvious to a lot of things. I'm older and should be hardened.

A debate going on in my head asks whether when people turn their heads when I walk by, are they thinking I'm trans or am I attractive. Since I went to that trans group in the north tuesday night and no one there (the other trans people) had any idea that I was trans, i'm leaning toward attractive. And from the girls fighting heartbreak list, "accept every compliment with a thank you rather than a nah. Transgenial is coming up next weekend, and this weekend there's a handful of festivals. I shouldn't build anything up though, no expectations. Expectations/hopefullness = disappointment.

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glowingpear

January 2014

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